trust

There's been stuff happening in my life that I felt the need to share on my blog. It's personal, but it's been on my heart and I think writing about it on here might be a good way to get it out. Two weeks ago I was getting ready for bed and decided to do a self breast exam because I hadn't done one in a while. To my surprise I found a lump. I had a consultation at a clinic within the week and was referred to an imaging center for an ultrasound. The results of the ultrasound came back as a probable benign fibroadenoma. It was recommended that I get a fine needle biopsy and probably get it removed. The next step for me is another consultation with a specialist this coming Thursday afternoon.

Surprisingly, I'm not really worried about all of that. What I am worried about is that I don't have any health insurance. I called the specialist and the initial consultation is over $300. That's about what I already dished out for the initial clinic visit and the ultrasound. I'm thankful I have a job so I haven't had to go further into debt (yet). But I'm so discouraged because I have been working my butt off to get out of debt and when I finally start making progress, something like this happens. I know God is going to provide, but at the same time, I'm scared out of my mind. I'm 25 years old and living at home. I really don't want to be 26 and still living at home because I can't support myself. It's ridiculous.

Please be praying for me as I take the next steps. I'm so overwhelmed with work, school and now doctor appointments. Pray for peace. I know God will be there and that He will provide, but Satan is working his best on me right now. Thank you friends for all your love, support and prayers.

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. Psalm 28: 7

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wait

Once again, I am in a time of waiting. I can feel God testing me and my patience while I wait. This time I am in complete surrender. There is absolutely nothing I can do, except wait and rest in Him and His promises to me. Trust. Be still. Wait. Believe. Pray.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:4-8

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?" John 11:40

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My Prayer

My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.
- Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

sources: lelove and ffffound